Who’s who? Which one is which? As a mom of twins, this is a common question. I’m not the type of parent that wanted my twin boys to have matching names. I never wanted to dress them in the exact same outfits. That’s just not my thing. Babies or toddlers in identical outfits can be adorable but I have always wanted it to be obvious that they are two individuals. They have to share a birthday, for awhile they shared a room, and they have always been in the same class at school. Why make them share identities?
I have always wanted people to be able to tell them apart. When they were little we had tricks to help family members know which boy was which. Jack was always in stripes, patterns, or the color green. While Benj was usually in solids or blues. Yes, I was nervous that I was going to confuse them as newborns, even though I have always been able to see their differences. They wore their hospital bracelets a lot longer than the average newborns.
People have questioned me, mostly strangers, if I know for sure that I never mixed them up. Wondering how I know Benj wasn’t really Jack and Jack wasn’t really Benj. I have overthought these questions and doubted myself. I’m pretty positive, lets say… 99.8%, that we have never mixed them up. Benj was born first, was a little smaller at 6 lbs 2 oz. and has always been Benj. Jack was born second, 6 lbs 6 oz., and at one point a little balder, but always Jack.
My husband is also a twin and he always says it’s part of being a twin. It may be a little irritating sometimes but they are used to it and really don’t know any different. Which is true, they are always willing to politely correct someone if they call them the wrong name. They will explain some of the little differences in their features or the colors they wear more frequently then the other, to help tell them apart. As their mom, I wish they didn’t have to do that over and over. I want everyone they meet to put the time and effort into knowing them as individuals. I know, I know. But, what mom doesn’t have unrealistic wants for their child?
Please don’t get me wrong, it is occasionally amusing to walk into a place and have multiple of their peers play “guess which twin is which”. It isn’t as amusing though, to pick your kid up from somewhere, and the person that was in charge wants to tell you a funny story, but starts it with, “One of your boys, I don’t know which one….” This has happened, more than once. Honestly, I know it is hard to tell some twins apart. I’m sure before having twins I probably did similar things. Now, as a mom of twins, I’m asking please ask the different ways to tell them apart. And then try to remember, so you can call them by the correct name.
While, Benj and Jack have a lot of similarities that go beyond their looks, they also have a ton of differences. Those differences make them who they are. I wish the differences in their personalities were as visible as the similarity in their faces. The older they get the more clear their differences are and less of an issue of who’s who becomes. Most people can easily tell them apart now. Benj likes to have his hair longer and Jack keeps his much shorter. Jack should be wearing glasses nowadays, which would help too!
**Extra info: We don’t know for sure if they are identical or fraternal. I had two placentas, which tips the odds slightly to them being fraternal but still makes it possible that they may be identical. The hospital lab was supposed to look at the placentas and do testing so we would know, but somehow that didn’t happen or the results didn’t get in my file. Unless we choose to do DNA testing we will not have a 100% answer to if my boys are identical or fraternal. Here is an article that explains it a little more in-depth if you are interested. And we didn’t find out I was having twins until I was 20 weeks, but that’s another story for another time!